And so it begins

Sunday August 5th is the first preseason game of the Pittsburgh steelers. Yes on that day we take on The New Orleans Saints... should be a good game! So with no further delay a tribute to my hometeam brought to you by youtube.



Hey I remember that night, I was down there! What a awesome night that was!!! If you look on the left of the screen in the beginning you will see Dees Cafe - yes old Dees. I also remember Julia - ah why did she not call me back?!

craziness on Carson part one


Craziness on Carson part two

Expectations, Projections, and Loose Associations

A wiseman once said, “Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what your gonna get”, simple words to remember. However I prefer life is like a jiggle saw puzzle every piece of the puzzle is but a lesson in life. The pieces are lessons that I have felt urged to absorb in the fabric of life.

Another piece urges me to abandon expectations that anything I say or do will make any difference whatsoever. This means, especially, abandoning expectations that anything I say or do will make the difference that I, in my great, exalted, prescient, and indisputably perfect wisdom, think that it ought to make. I am now quite near the place in which, if anything that I say or do does make a difference, that is fine. If it doesn’t, that also is fine. Whether it does or doesn’t has nothing to do with me and everything to do with what other people hear or experience. That is not my affair, none of my business.

Another piece urges a growing awareness that my mind is a tool that sometimes rests in the hands of an aspect of myself that I’d best keep away from it. Don’t put a hot soldering iron in the hands of a child.

I own one of those minds that make loose associations. That can be fun, and a source of creativity. I can discover how the rain in Spain contains a lesson that ought to be learned by the great unwashed swarming the slums of San Jose. Don’t ask me what that lesson is. I haven’t pursued it. But I’m sure it exists, I’m sure I can find it, and I might even make a book or blog post out of it. This tendency to find lessons everywhere and to make improbable associations often satisfies nothing except my own notion of how clever I can be. Mind in the hands of ego.
Who was it—someone commenting on Freud?—who said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar? I do need to remember that.

A third piece of my puzzle seems to be special. Do you know how, when you are putting a puzzle together, there is one piece that keeps attracting your attention? Maybe it is bigger than the other pieces. Or maybe it has an unusual shape or color. But you keep noticing it, picking it up, wondering where it goes. Maybe you are sure that if you find where it goes, then the rest of the puzzle will come together magically.

In my puzzle that special piece urges the view that everything I experience (and I do mean everything) is projection. I have lived with that view for periods; lived in Plato’s cave for days or weeks at a time. It is a fine place to live when you know what is going on there. It is free of judgment and blame, and free of victimization. It isn’t damp or cold at all. But I have not taken up permanent residence there, and so I often need to find this piece (and this place) all over again. I pick it up, sense its importance, but then, without being aware of having done so, I put it down and forget where I put it. Then, all of a sudden, there it is right in front of me, asking, pleading, to be picked up again.

These puzzle pieces, and many more, are spread out right in front of me, but since the box that they came in has no picture of the finished puzzle on it, I can’t say what it will look like when it is complete. If it can ever be complete. I keep discovering new pieces, and there seems always to be one piece that I cannot locate.

feeling blue today

I'm having a bout of depression again I think. Work is not being too much of an effort, aside from my job all else seems to be a disappointment my eating habits are all over the place and I just don't want to talk to anyone. A year ago I would be disappearing into a dees café and having a few bottles right now, so at least I don't have that side of things to worry about. Also a year ago

I had a job search running and it proved interesting. I sometimes hope to see at least one person each time I log on and to match that I think I would like to send a email, and while there wasn't really anything yesterday there is another option today which would mean a bold move on my part - so of course, with the mood I'm in, I'm thinking I'm being under ambitious and won't even be considered. A relationship means quite a bit of responsibility, being in effect, and is quite a change of tack for me, but on the other hand it's basically what do I got to lose, which is largely what I do right now in any case. It would also mean a daily commitment, unless I can find someone I could be interested in and more importantly someone to return that interest, which seems unlikely even in a better state of mind. Still, can't hurt to have a go. I've downloaded the information and will have a read through.

Big brother and Cindy are on holiday with his Mum and stepdad.

I'm reading a lot more at the moment, which is good.

I am my own worst enemy

I was surprised at the matter-of-factly admission by a close friend, on him being the assailant of another acquaintance. While the "victim" who clarified his actions to cement his innocence, the close friend simply stated how he felt and that the "victim" had it coming, through a common impression formed and from pent-up frustration and anger.Life is complicated enough. If everyone could just be that little bit more tolerant, understanding and abit more in control of their stronger emotions, perhaps this ugly episode could have been mitigated. But then, who am I to comment? I'm just being idealistic I suppose.

I understand the feeling of alienation and of the potential abuse one had coming to him. But I have also been granted a glimpse from a third party’s point of view on how the other person chose to deal with this seething hostility displayed by his compatriots.

Like the eye opener given to me Friday morning, which has made me reflect upon certain aspects of my character, on my good intentions that sometimes comes with a lack of effort to achieve them, resulting in a temporal social disruption and a compromise to the integrity of the bridge of the perception of my being.

Like the reminder of Friday, which made me realize that one thing that perhaps stands in my way towards accomplishing all that which I have always wanted to be and all that which I can become and to become a better person and character – That I am my own worst enemy.

Perhaps this holds true to everyone, that if one starts judging him/herself on a level more critical and brutal than that of society, to be present and keenly aware of his/her actions, thoughts, words and intentions, one would realize that often, the greatest hurdle to establishing our ideal and optimum self would indeed be, ironically, ourselves.

Random morning thought on a Friday

I was thinking all about the direction or should I say the lack of direction that I allowed myself to fall into lately. My summer's end of 2008 I will complete my master in education and at that point I will be making another transition.

I talked to Connie last night, she called me. Surprise, surprise huh? Anyway she told me everything that has been going on in her life. Originally after graduation she moved back to New York, the way she describe NY the economy for work is worse then here in PA if you can believe it. The companies that are hiring don't want to pay anything either in benefits or salary and most only want you via a temp agency. Needless to say it was a grim for her but she did manage to me a new guy and ... they are both now moving to Maryland. Yes Maryland, just outside Balitmore. Her new man got a great job for a computer company and she is going to follow him there and hopefully find work or in her words "a decent job not a temp job". I wish her the best, that is four people I know that has moved beyond PA borders and found better paying jobs...

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania sucks!

Top Ten Cloves: Reason President Bush Is Now Only "The Decision-Maker" And Not "The Decider"

10. Hedging his bets on how the Libby Trial winds up
9. No issue - Decision-Maker on Iraq, The Decider on everything else
8. Thought it was time to break out his Civilian Reserve Corps moniker
7. After authorizing U.S. Soldiers to kill Iranians, part of the plan to throw Iran off-balance
6. Only recommendation of the Iraq Study Group he was willing to undertake
5. Just in an "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" mood today
4. Fred Kagan and General Keane said it would help the surge
3. First Lady was going to make him go into rehab if he kept going around, calling himself "The Decider"
2. Pulled the "I'm the Decider" on Cheney, right after the Wolf Blitzer interview and Cheney barked back "You're out of line ... "

And the number one reason is... drum please...

1. Rove worked his "The Math" again and said the change would make my polls numbers go up

Q and A Tuesday

I have never been a go to guy. It’s not that I am not dependable, it’s just that, well, uh, where was I? Oh yes, I tend to get easily sidetracked. However, with that being said, I do like to answer questions. Am I particularly qualified to answer questions in any given area? No, of course I’m not. Haven’t you been reading my blog? Well, if it’s pop culture related I might be able to shed some light, but really, how often do we need clarification on some obscure pop culture reference, unless of course you are reading my blog.

Where is all of this going? I am going to begin a Q & A Tuesday. Each Tuesday, I will answer your questions on any and all subjects. Will my answers be good? It’s hard to say. Will my answers be accurate? Again, difficult to tell. Will they be well researched and presented in an easily understood way, possibly with charts and graphs? Gheesh, I hope not! Are the answers something that you should repeat to others in order to prove your intelligence to them? I highly suggest you don’t. Should I be a little more positive about this project in the hopes that someone will submit a question to me? Probably.

Yes, it has finally come to this…I guess if I blogged long enough I was eventually going to resort to people providing me questions so that I do not have to be original every single day. I am embarrassed by this development, but I am also looking forward to the give and take that question segments will provide. If there is ever a shortage of questions, then I’ll just answer a question I have overheard in my office. Are you bristling with excitement yet?

So go ahead, ask me whatever you wish. I’ll do my best to answer everything each and every Tuesday. I realize the notice is a little late, but I’m giving you more warning than Tom Cruise gave Nicole Kidman when he divorced her. Well, I think I did. OK, what are you waiting for? You’ll definitely get an answer! What type of answer? Let’s just say it probably won’t be ‘Wiki’ worthy…

Music selections

I purchased the new Linkin Park cd titled, minutes to midmight. Very good cd by the way. I am looking forwards to Aug 7th because on that day Fuel comes out with a new cd titled "Angels and devils". They are my two favorite bands besides Cake yes I like Cake! I also like Rage against the machine but they have not had a new cd in sometime?!

Anyway updates, not much new I am still working on things... things I do not wish to share at this moment.

I want to live a life free of regrets

There is no room in my life for regret anymore. ... I want to live a life free of aching regrets. I don't mind regretting the roads I didn't take in the past but I don’t won’t to add to that list of regrets.

I have been walking around every day with a life totally full of regrets. I did a google search for other people’s blogs and I read many stories about regrets, for example there is a 78-year old man thinks about the girl that got away 45 years ago. The gay man wishes that he'd come out to his father while reading the eulogy for his wake. The waitress in a bar across the street from the Met spends every day remembering the day that she quit singing opera.

Every day, I have fetter away life with regret. When I think of the waste of precious moments, tossing them out like candy bar wrappers, while obsessing about mistakes I have made in my life long past.

I can not spend my life like this anymore.

I refuse to spend the majority of days ruminating about things that I have already done nor do I want to obess any more about mistakes that are in my past (and, God knows, they're there).

I can't regret anymore I can afford too! There is no denying the truth that I often do the wrong thing. I have made my share of mistakes. But I can't regret them. I have done what I have done, and my actions, my decisions (the good, the bad, and the ugly) have made me who I am. For better or for worse. No use in saying that if I could change this, that or the other thing I would. Even if I could I probably wouldn't change anything. There is no room in my life for regret anymore.

What brought this on you ask? Good question, I went to the information session today after work and heard what the recruiter had to say and I liked it. I want to take the next step, I want to move forwards but after I left I heard that familiar voice inside me telling me “you can not do that” You won’t make it, you can not leave all you have earned in life. I was setting myself to fail long before I even officially applied. I do that often in life, I did that when I had the opportunity in Florida and even as I write this post I have that inner voice telling me that I am a fool for even considering it. How did I push myself out of the funk I seem to have been pushing myself into? Simple, I told myself that yes I have acquired a few items worthy of note but it’s stuff I can store – it’s stuff that I can replace if need be. My family will always be my family regardless what I chose, my friends to. All that I have will still be mine I am just daring to dream of taking that less then often traveled road. You know that road? As the poem goes, “ I took the Road Less Traveled by," And that has made all the Difference. One thing that I have learned sometimes Choosing the hard and unpopular way can have a more rewarding outcome. Someone once told me, not sure whom. It may have been a teacher life isn’t about the destination it's about the journey to get there?

Roads seem to be fascinating me, whether as metaphors for life, change, journeys, partings, adventure, etc., or simply as roads, with all their implications of 'here' and 'not here', I guess what I mean to say is that the two may not be as separate as one thought.

On the verge of something great...

I now have 2 days left until I step into something that could be wonderful, something that could give me that long desire feeling that my life had meaning. You may think teaching because I talked enough about it but no it is something else something unique. Forgive me for the lack of detail but for the time being I choose to keep it to myself until know for sure the prospect but also my resolve. It's been a crazy adventure so far. The emotions that I have experienced throughout the process of receiving and accepting my invitation have been overwhelming.

I promise to update everyone on Friday as to what my plan is...

Radical change

Changing my behavior to achieve better results is the indeed a hard challenge. So maybe I am in a slump. What I am going to do in the next 2 weeks - a.k.a. 14 days are the following items:

1. Join a REAL gym
2. Get my haircut and colored, not conservative but I am a radical change - i am going blond
3. Move

True change requires that a person develop clear reasons why you will not fail yourself and your family or friends. So I know what drives me and therefore I am going to set three goal for me to accmplish with the next two weeks. Afterwards I will set another goal and so on and so forth. The process requires introspection, which you may not be used to, but in order for it to work, you need to take the time to quietly consider every aspect of your life (past, present, and future) and commit it to paper or in my case blogger.

Wisdom from a cookie

After lunch I cracked open my fortune cookie and it read, "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or nation." Wise words from a cookie... made me think... July 19th, July 19th is coming up... discontent, restless, ready for an adventure of a life time. I am going to go for it!

The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side

People are never happy with what they have for me that is especially true

You have curly hair, you want straight.
You have straight hair, you want curly.
Your single, you want a girlfriend or for those ladies a boyfriend.
You have a girlfriend, you want to be single.
And so on and so on...

I have this girl whom I work with. Shes dropped dead-fucking gorgeous,(excuse my french) I wonder what the French say? She goes and posts a statement during lunch "This is the prettiest girl Ive ever seen" and post pictures of herself. "I would do anything to have her as a girlfriend". Hoever I get the impression she thinks she is to fat cause she is always downing herself. Why do you wanna look like some stick figure. Be proud to be you. Your pretty. Not just pretty, youre fucking GORGEOUS.

I should be taking my own damn advice. Im not gorgeous though. I need to be proud to be me. If I lost weight, My life would be changed. Im not strong enough.

I wish I had self esteem.

Anyway this girl, she got green eyes, yes green eyes something about a green eyed Italian American...

Have you ever had a moment?

That one little moment that makes us stop? You look out the window and see the clear blue sky as the hazy white clouds lazily blow by and you know, you know the eternal.
That inside you which reaches for beauty, love and simplicity of understanding.

That quiet place we forget to listen for.
I have felt and heard this more than once in my life. I have sat and cried as I remember those moments, of those past regrets.

I look out the window now at the city skyline with many tall buildings beautiful and majestic, seemingly reaching for the light blue sky. Such a thing of beauty yet this is not what really catches my eye today.

Today it is an uncomplicated man made street sign on this simple city road. Since I started the new job last year this sign had been laying on the ground in pieces but today it is standing with clear bright colors on it. One sign facing north and south and one facing east and west. Simple right? Nothing magical yet I felt it. This common sign made me want to cry. In the past couple of weeks my life has taken a turn for the worse, I fell back into a period a deep depression. I allowed regrets and everydays stress to overwhelm me.

The sign brought up those questions for me. Where do we go in life? North or south? The Allegheny river as it flows past my building knows where it is heading as it travels downstream flowing on into another river and then onto the homeland where it all started, the ocean. I sit here now slowly flowing in thought yet going no place physically. I long for that silly road sign suddenly. How great to be on my path and suddenly there it is the green sign pointing you in the direction you have been seeking for so long and knowing it will be glorious.

The funny thing is I feel maybe, just maybe it really is this simple yet I have made it hard for myself. I have let anger and fear into my heart and I fight them like a disease, to busy to be quiet and listen.

I have seen people fight over faith and love. There have been wars over it and so many have died for it yet what has this accomplished? Thousands of years go by and the wars still rage and this fear and anger accomplishes nothing but destruction and pain. Not just on the bodies and souls of the people but the very planet that graciously gives us life. Fear is the cause of so much suffering. The fear of taking the wrong turn or missing the sign all together. Fear of that question. “Am I believing right? and if I am why does my neighbor not believe this way?” “Why can’t they see this sign?” Or better yet why can’t I see the sign that can help guide me on my own journey? Perhaps I do see the sign but my own fears keep me from following? Questions come, about the way I am traveling and those feelings of judgment come about the road that I am taking. Suddenly listening has been silenced and the noise brings with it fear and uncertainty. This is what causes the most fear within me the fear of uncertainty can and has paralyzed me in the past.
The thoughts start out benign enough but soon they grow into worry, fear that if I don’t obey what I have been told I will go to hell or whichever venue you have been told is the worst. These are the fears that make people question their own destiny or may I say destination. I know it does for me!

I come back now to that simple road sign. This sign I am looking at may assist you, if lets say you were looking for me. For me however, I will turn left on destiny and precede straight on to get to future. Easy enough just like the river gently flowing to the sea.

The only thing is, there is another road leading someone to my door. In fact there are at least three I know of. One is an old road with many pot holes and bumps. I usually choose this road to drive home on. Not many street signs just dust and rocks, yet I feel safer here for reasons I don’t really understand but that’s, well, I guess, faith or perhaps a lack of signs to guide me and therefore less things to question?

I guess what I am getting at is it does not matter which road I may find myself on. I don’t need to find my sign. I need to take the time to listen internally and follow my own faith. Knowing my path is no better or worse than anyone else’s path. It is simply mine for better or for worse. I must remember that we are all looking for the same things, Compassion, love, reason and destination.

So now after my rambling I am still sitting in my office wondering why this sign made me want to cry. I realize there is beauty in all things. The beauty I found today was for over a year I had never seen that sign standing yet I always made it home.

Ramblings and stuff

Yesterday was my senior mannager's last day in the office, he is retiring after 38 years with the company. It was announced several weeks back and I was stressed about that for sometime because I like my current job and employer. I was stressed because the last time I saw a senior member of managment leave I went from being a Senior Customer Accounts Service Agent (I job I liked) to a Collection agent (I job I hated) and was not a good fit. Also yesterday it was announced whom will be replacing him, stress levels are reduced greatly cause his replacement is coming from within the department and she is super cool! I have a great deal more stuff in my life, stuff I want to share but stuff that at this time I chose not to not because I am fearful of what some may think but stuff that at this time I find hard to express.

My theme song

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

The Black Sheep

Growing up, my family always made it abundantly clear that I was the black sheep. It was always obvious to everyone, including me, that I wasn’t one of them. My brother told the lie that all big brothers tell, that I was adopted. Except my family decided to play along with it long enough for me to question whether or not I actually was.

I know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to other people but growing up it was hard not to since my cousins was the son that every parent always dreamed of having. Even in my father called attention to that I wasn’t enough like my cousin who always did what he was told, always sat quietly and always played nice with the other kids or at least in front of my father he did. He said that I was more interested in playing with the art supplies when I was supposed to be studying or working.

In middle school and high school I was of course the troublemaker, the one with the chip on his shoulder since I was forced to attend a school that I didn’t want to go to. For college, I had always wanted to go to out of state but of course that’s another much longer story.

Even now, I still can not get out from beneath his shadow in my father’s eyes. So far, I’m happy OKAY I am happier about what I have accomplished on my own without anyone giving me money, or hot job tips. Every job I have had I got on my own without anyone’s assistance. So yes I should be proud of my accomplishments and stop looking for the approval from those external sources I have longed for. Since my Uncle’s funeral that black sheep feeling has been on my mind and will stay with me until I finally decide to end the quest for that approval. with that having been said what I’ve done with my life and who I’ve become even though I had a hell of a time getting here from where I was and still have a lot of work that needs to be done before I get to where I ultimately want to be. Everyday I pass sheep on my way to my job and every time I see them, I smile to myself and feel smart to know that being a black sheep isn’t always a bad thing.

Ever feel like you want to just quit?

I'm in my thirties, and I've been fighting my weight all my life.

I really really really am not a naturally active person. I decided I was going to be an active person, and I was doing all these things every day but especially biking. I got wiped out. Then the 4th hit, and I took a couple of days off.

Then I ate--my God--the most delicious pizza I ever had, and my mouth is still watering when I think about it. Oh yesterday after I got home from work I had to walk up to Ritas for a Italian Ice, I passed on the custard but the large icee was root beer flavored.

I said I would get back to 1800 calories, and I'm doing it.

But... I'm tired. I am a size 36, that is my waist size. I'm healthy then I had been. I eat right, been eating right. I cut out fast food, no more Wendy’s. I am not as active as I should be, but I do a lot of reading, writing on the computer, paperwork (I'm a banker).

I just want to quit. I want to be ok with being fat, and I'm not, and I'm just tired of beating myself up and pushing and pushing, and I'm tired of that personal trainer inside me that's a on steroids and a fake tan and a fake smile yelling at me everytime I want something no healthy. Where did he come from, and how can I exorcise him before he exercises me to death?

Will I be saying, "Get up, Scott, get your walker, and get on your bike, and no cake!" when I'm 70? Is this the life I want?

I can feel the storm inside brewing can you?

So little goes on in my life worth writing about. i work, i sleep, i shower/bathe, i eat.

Today i went to the doctor, he was an...interesting person. aren't most? i have to get like a thousand tests done. including blood work. i may not have fainted then, I do not like the needle getting anywhere beneath the belt level. i almost fell off that weird table with the crumply paper they make you sit on. ~ shudder ~
i think i want an ice cream maker for christmas. i could make sorbet, and soft cream like ice cream. ~ drools ~ haha we were in winners today and i saw tons of cook books i wanted, and somehow that reminded me of a friend whom could not bake. Well baked but always ended up burning her cookies, but I still ate my share.
i had the day off, but i really didn't do too much. we're going to another bar

Friday for a much needed happy hour, have not been to one of those in ages. Nothing like a night of srinking with bankers! Why? Cause we are all cheap drunks. Little humor there and i'm not going to get nachoes at happy hour either. haha i always get nachoes, and i really shouldn't but I love them so.

I've been very reflective lately, and i'm really happy with the way my life has turned out to date at least.

Anyway, i need to get dinner ready. You know I make a mean dish of buttered noodles with cheese!

Shhhhhhh

Shhhhhhh I got something brewing and it ain't coffee! I must not speak about it or it may not come to be... So to change the subject on this post let's talk history. July 3 1863, General Robert E. Lee decided to press the attack to the Union center on Cemetery Ridge. At 1 in the afternoon, the southern artillery opened a bombardment that for a time engaged the massed guns of both sides in a thundering duel for supremacy, but did little to soften up the Union battle lines. Then came the climax of the Battle of Gettysburg...with a salute from Longstreet, General George E. Pickett, in a desperate attempt to recapture the partial success of the preceding day, spearheaded one of the most incredible efforts in military history...a massed infantry assault of 15,000 Confederate troops across the open field toward the Union center on Cemetery Ridge. One mile they marched, while being pounded by artillery and rifle fire. Through it all, Pickett's men reached but failed to break the Union line, and the magnificent effort ended in disaster. The tide of the Confederacy had "swept to its crest, paused, and receded." In 50 minutes, 10,000 in the assault had become casualties, and the attack - forever to be known as Pickett's Charge - was now history.

With the failure of Pickett's Charge, the battle was over - the Union was saved. Lee's retreat began on the afternoon of July 4. Behind him, this small town of only 2,400 was left with a total (from both sides) of over 51,000 casualties. Over 172,000 men and 634 cannon had been positioned in an area encompassing 25 square miles. Additionally, an estimated 569 tons of ammunition was expended and, when the battle had ended, 5,000 dead horses and the other wreckage of war presented a scene of terrible devastation.

The Confederate army that staggered back from the fight at Gettysburg was physically and spiritually exhausted. Lee would never again attempt an offensive operation of such proportions. Meade, though he was criticized for not immediately pursuing Lee's army, had carried the day in the battle that has become known as the High Water Mark of the Confederacy.

The war was to rage for two more terrible and tormenting years but the Confederacy never recovered from the losses of Gettysburg. And through the deepening twilight of Confederate military might, all who had been to Gettysburg would remember.

You see that is why I should be a history teacher!