The Black Sheep

Growing up, my family always made it abundantly clear that I was the black sheep. It was always obvious to everyone, including me, that I wasn’t one of them. My brother told the lie that all big brothers tell, that I was adopted. Except my family decided to play along with it long enough for me to question whether or not I actually was.

I know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to other people but growing up it was hard not to since my cousins was the son that every parent always dreamed of having. Even in my father called attention to that I wasn’t enough like my cousin who always did what he was told, always sat quietly and always played nice with the other kids or at least in front of my father he did. He said that I was more interested in playing with the art supplies when I was supposed to be studying or working.

In middle school and high school I was of course the troublemaker, the one with the chip on his shoulder since I was forced to attend a school that I didn’t want to go to. For college, I had always wanted to go to out of state but of course that’s another much longer story.

Even now, I still can not get out from beneath his shadow in my father’s eyes. So far, I’m happy OKAY I am happier about what I have accomplished on my own without anyone giving me money, or hot job tips. Every job I have had I got on my own without anyone’s assistance. So yes I should be proud of my accomplishments and stop looking for the approval from those external sources I have longed for. Since my Uncle’s funeral that black sheep feeling has been on my mind and will stay with me until I finally decide to end the quest for that approval. with that having been said what I’ve done with my life and who I’ve become even though I had a hell of a time getting here from where I was and still have a lot of work that needs to be done before I get to where I ultimately want to be. Everyday I pass sheep on my way to my job and every time I see them, I smile to myself and feel smart to know that being a black sheep isn’t always a bad thing.