The bank, Church and God

It's not been a good day today or yesterday, had my coaching at work - it's only my second one at the bank. What’s a coaching? You are probably asking well I am going to tell you. A coaching is like a mini review and its done on a monthly basis well my coaching yesterday was good and also bad... on the good side I had 20 perfect loans on the bad side I coded 68. You see the problem? We discussed what I need to work on and that is to reduce my pre-quality errors. Instead of explaining that the lack of a formal training, its mostly on the job training and also the fact that I have not worked for a bank in over four years and before that I had a mind nimbing, brainless job for two years I took the feed back and allowed it get me down. I thought I did very well. Yes I make errors but they are simple errors they are easily fixed, like for example I do not put a 1098 indicator out on a loan that needs one or I used a process type of 901 when it should of been a 902, as for billing errors - yes I had a few for example I did a construction loan were it went from a variable rate during its draw down period to a fixed rate after their last draw … well I did not know that I had to shut down prime rate so that the fixed rate kicks in after the last draw! That was a key piece of information that was not provided to me in training so those errors where counted. At one point I felt like I made a mistake in taking the job offer and quitting FedEx! Then common sense took over and I realized that I am better off and the disappointment of having a so-so coaching allowed me to feel down about myself. I just have to hustle down and be more careful about using the correct codes.

On to other topics, been thinking about returning to church, been thinking about it all day. I need something in my life and when I was going to church I felt full filled, can not explain it any other way but I felt better and I had less worries in my life. Not only did I go to church, I started going Sunday morning with my brother and his then wife then after awhile I started going Saturday night at 5pm I did this for two reasons one, I could go out to the bars and sometimes the clubs with my friends and also room mates at the time William, Tracy and Charity but also I started going Saturday because I wanted to sleep in on Sunday. I don’t know why I stopped going to church, I remember it was maybe a month after I moved from Forest Hills to Whitehall that I just stopped going but whats strange is I feel that now because I stopped going God has stopped giving me his blessing and that’s why my life went from improving to shitty. Is that right for me to think that? I used to prayer every night when I got home – right before I went to sleep I would prayer (am I spelling it right?) this “Oh father in heaven please send the holy spirit in me and forgive me for my sins” then I thanked him for all that he has given me, my job that I had at FedEx that I liked before they outsourced it, I thanked him for my family and I name each of them and said something about each then I thanked him for my friends and I also would name them and I would ask him to please watch over each of them (family and friends) and ask him to give me the strength I need to make myself a better person. I did this from the first time I went to church to a month after the move, almost two years. In that entire time I managed to get my debt down, build a savings come to a certain amount of acceptance of myself and finally but the most important of all I had contentment in my life. I want to get back to that point in my life so I think I will start going back to church, I have no excuse and perhaps if I do God will forgive me for quitting the church for as long as I did and will give me his grace again.