It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

It wasn't only in Dickens time that it was the best of times, that it was the worst of times. So, which was 2006? Is 2007 on a road to a worse past or on a ... road to the best of times? Am I making sense? March 6, 2006 was my 1st year anniversary at the new job and as I go through a phase of wondering whether life has any discernible meaning. Why am I here? Why is the universe here? Is there a purpose to it all? This is the ultimate question, overarching all others. I am seeking the usually plunge into philosophy, and spend years sweating over “being” and “essence” and quibbling over how the mind obtains knowledge, how we determine reality, and how language shapes our comprehension. In the end, most emerge (as I did) with no better answer than when I've began—and a feeling that I had wasted a lot of time and effort trying to build a career at FedEx. Well at the same time trying to earn a specific friendship that was just not worth it in the end. Omar Khayyam felt the same way nine hundred years ago when he wrote:

Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and saint, and heard great argument
About it and about, but evermore
Came out by the same door as in I went.

However, despite this futility, I think intelligent people can address the meaning-of-life question sensibly without blogging down in philosophical stewing and hair-splitting. The way I do or did. Just spell out what’s knowable, as I see it. The following is my personal, amateur view of the past year.

A year ago you would have found me at a local bar drinking or watching tv, Bitching about life’s little trials that I typically fail. I was like so many other people who were shopping for something more in life and wanting popularity or keeping the few good friends I had at that time in life. I was never one that you would pick out to live a life of social popularity but for the few friends I did make I was nothing but loyal to them.

A little over a year and half ago I was nearing completion of a quest to acquire a education and with that to advance my career/life. As the final completion date neared I saw that I really had not accomplished much, my job I held at a time went from good to terrible when some big shot decided to outsource my old department. They then thought they did me a favor and reassigned me to collections. The job was made worse by poor management, a management team and I use the word team loosely. The management team were told what to do and if any rank and file employee complains inform them they can quit at any time. My professional life sucked ass, excuse my French! The only thing that got me through a week of working collections was the knowledge that come Friday I would be sitting back with good friends and that made all the difference in the world. Unfortunately two of my three best friends were in a relationship that was going south. At the time I wanted to be a good friend to both, but more importantly I wanted to try to help get them both back together. It was weird because I lived with the one female friend and at times she would go out with her friends whom were mostly male and the next day my other friend would call to get the fyi about her. The line of questioning always made me feel as if I was being interrogated by the police for murder. I did try to be a good friend to both, and I neither picked her friendship over his and I was not his spy on her. I wish that both would believe me on that fact! The first few months after their break up proved to be difficult. She treated me as if I was a spy, gave me every indication of not being welcomed in the house we shared but I let it go. I justified her actions as her own frustrations about current state of affairs and as a friend I should not let it bother me because she did not mean to come off as a bitch - show patience was the order of the day. One thing after another and well enough on that topic. After all it is not about her or him it is about me!

My personal life fell to pieces to match my crappy professional life and that got me depressed. I just could not shake the feeling that I was a complete loser. I had a college degree but no experience to get me a better job and the three people that I held in high regards looked upon me as either a disloyal friend, or a stalker.

Times did indeed change for me, it all started last Feb with the interview that I thought I botched but to my surprise I got the job. It was a opportunity that I needed because if I did not get the new job when I did I surly would be dead by now. It's funny the job that I do now gives me a sense of pride not only professionally but on a personal level. I guess if I had to sum it all up 2006 started off shaky but improved drastically and as 2007 rolls along I have a more positive outlook on life.