Nothin'

I get up at the same time every morning. I have the same morning routine too; getting up, brushing teeth, trying to run out the door without forgetting something vital. I don't like mornings because I'm a night person. I go to work, keep busy, never allow my mind to drift, I stay focus on work I come home tired, wanting a nap to refresh me. I collapses on the couch, emotionally exhausted from the mere task of coping. While I stay focused on my work, my school – homework I struggle to focus on, I fight the panic, sadness, and disparity that well up day after day. At night, I worry about not being productive enough so I stay up late. Sleep terrifies me at times. I can stay awake and stare, clutching at covers, berating myself for how juvenile a thing that is that I did. When sleep comes, it floods me with ugly visions of pasts forgotten and presents that seem all too vivid. I can find no relief, only the nightmares that I force into submission during the day. Sometimes, I trembles uncontrollably when it all crashes in and sob like a little girl. When the tears run dry, I retreat inside to confront the inner demons, and begs them to leave, even for a moment.