Weekend thoughts

Fuck, I can be such a self-involved, "woe is me!!!" individual sometimes.

The past weekend I've been depressed for some unknown reason. It may have to do with too much drinking ruining my brain, it may have to do with the fact my ..., it may have been I was so very tired after work on Friday, have had little success on the personal/life direction front, confusion over feelings for crush of the moment, coming down with a cold or a combination of all. Anyway, there has been much of the negative thought upon negative thought, lying in bed for hours on end and the deepness and darkness - all a product of a by-gone era that I thought had ended long ago. Very strange indeed, but crap nonetheless.

Friday night I went out for some drinks with some fellow bankers friends, and after recalling a few of my adventures of the past month, one friend who is going through some tough times said to me, "your approach to life is interesting if a bit confusing, you go out and try to have fun but you hold yourself back." Considering how I've felt the last week or so, what she'd said took me back a little, because the good times have not really featured in my thoughts the past week or so. I've treated these times more as an interlude to the general apathy I otherwise feel - which is really not so much of a great approach to life. But as she continued on about all the crap that she'd been subjected to recently, I suddenly snapped out of it. What is my problem???? Here is someone who is having real problems and still has the drive to perservere with her ambitions and cope reasonably okay. Here I am, my only real problem when it all boils down to it is that I'm having trouble landing a steady Beeachya. Otherwise, I lead a very fufilled, busy life - I work in a job that I love, and a bunch of wonderful new friends whom I think is awesome.

The only thing that I am really not happy with is ... well see previous statement.

Okay, so there are few things I'm unhappy about, but at the end of the day - these things are fairly material and there certainly is more to life, which I have been completely taking for granted lately. I'm sure everything will come to fruition in the end, it's just the not knowing when or if it will actually happen that grates on me.

So I'm going to turn my frown upside down (lame, I know!) and go with a friend to Casey's Pub. Should be a wild night and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it or at least try to!