My upcoming weekend

This weekend I have two strange things happening:

1) I’m helping Chad move probably stuff... not 100 percent sure
2) My father's brother is having a family get together

Don’t get me wrong - I love my father but sometimes, well, he can be a lot of work.
I can picture us at dinner now:

Dad: “So, have you met any nice girls recently?”
Me: “Some, you know.”
Dad: “Because Uncle Jeff told you, if you wanted to invite any girls to dinner with us, you could have.”
Me: “No, it’s fine.”
Dad: “You know, there are lots of nice girls at home. Why don’t you just move back Sq. Hill meet a nice Jewish girl?”
Me: “Dad, I’m not moving back to Sq. Hill to meet girls. That’s retarded.”
Dad: “Don’t say that word. It’s just that you’re getting old, and maybe you should find a girlfriend -
Me:"why don’t you come to the kitchen and have a beer with me?”
Dad:"I don't drink"
Me: “Just come to the kithchen.”

[go to kitchen with dad. eight to thirteen seconds of silence, as he watches me open a can of beer, before he speaks]

Dad: “you aren’t gay, are you?”
Me: “No dad, I’m not gay.”
Dad: “Because, if you are, it’s not ok. Your mother will be crushed, and you’ll grandparents will role over in their graves.”
Me: “Dad, I’m telling you, I’m not gay. Just because I don’t have a girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m gay.”
Dad: “You should just tell me now. I won’t be ok with it, but the sooner we know the better.”
Me: “Dad, look, I’m NOT gay. You know I’ve had girlfriends. I am just going through a dry spell”

[more silence, this time twenty to twenty-five seconds of it, I zip the beer]

Dad: “What about the websites? Your mother said something about websites. Have you tried the websites?”
Me: “I’m going back to sit down dad.”

I can’t say this conversation will happen verbatim, but I think I’m about 90% right.