November 1st

Happy Halloween and you know what that means? Thanksgiving is just around the corner and you know what it is my favorite holiday of the year, for fairly obvious reasons. Any day on which all I have to do is wake up and eat until I throw up is ok with me.

Thanksgiving, which is often held on a Thursday, gives rise to the night before Thanksgiving, which is the “biggest drinking night of the year.” The entire American population, ok perhaps it is just a Pittsburgh thing - knowing that they have the day off work the next day and only have to overeat, spends the night before Thanksgiving getting bombed. Yours truly has a Thanksgiving Eve ritual which involves a $10 all you can drink draft special for five hours, followed by an evening-ending artery-hardening-one-more-nail-in-the-coffin Primati sandwich and bowl of French fries covered in cheese at 3am, and a drive to check out the hooker in Aliquippa to see if Touchy Heather or at least I think that is what Anthony said her name was is around (I never loved anyway like I loved Touchy Heather. Let’s talk about something else before I lose your respect.).

In addition to the traditional Thanksgiving activities ? eating, drinking. I get to have two dinners one at my mom’s and the other at my dad’s houses. In the meantime, it is very important this time of year to be thankful for what we have. So below I have whipped up a short list of what I am thankful for, in no particular order (but the last one is my favorite).

I am thankful for:
- baked macaroni and cheese
- the push-up bra
- easily spreadable butter products (i.e. Country Crock)
- fat women who don’t care that they’re fat and really know how to have fun
- the live version of Elvis Costello’s “Motel Matches” from “Goodbye Cruel World”
- getting letters in the mail, yes I SAID IN THE MAIL
- ice cold cans of Natural Light
- the Pill
- having my own bathroom
- a really fucking good cheeseburger from Wendy’s
- my new iPod
- $3 shots of yager
- the lovely Hispanic woman next door to me
- Hispanic women
- J-Lo’s butt
- pooping
- slow dancing
- dads with moustaches
- taking a long hot shower on a cold day
- women who tan
- VH1 Classic 80’s
- my bookcase which makes me look really smart
- my new job (seriously)
- Red Bull and yager
- when women wear blouses and they move a certain way that the fabric between buttons collapses and you catch a glimpse of their boobies
- creamed chipped beef
- Sam Smith’s Nut Brown Ale, Guinness, Newcastle
- baked ziti
- throwing the old pigskin around with my nehews
- my family and friends and blah blah blah
- breakfast meat
- Luden’s Wild Cherry cough drops
- sour cream and barbecue potato chips
- being hungover on a Saturday in the fall when it’s 47? and rainy and staying in bed in the cold sheets, blankets and pillows until 3pm
- Gatorade the next day after drinking
- when Hispanic women wear short leather skirts with leather knee high boots (Ummmm perhaps I have a fetish)
- old people who curse a lot
- Bloomsbury, London
- Bill Murray
- you all passing on this site/linking me on your sites so that I’ve obtained a modicum of “fame”, which in turn has gone straight to my head
- cleavage